Hooray for competing parties expositing extensive plot-relevant details to each other in public and conveniently in front of the main protagonist!
But seriously. On the one hand, you have that. On the other hand, you have monologue exposition from Poppa Henry. Between the two, you have Ash, who, like the audience, doesn't know anything and is discovering things as they happen. Given how this is YA and not GoT (where the characters are already part of their world and not discovering it forcefully), I can let it slide personally. All the same, having two competing interests yelling things at each other that are conveniently relevant is a little cheesy.
An idea to keep the cheese to a minimum while still keeping any surprises in tact (that Casten didn't know Syndon was still alive, etc.): Remove the protagonist (Ash) from the scene. Actually, remove the parties from that particular scene. Casten and Syndon are in the grocery store and both want the last can of tuna. (Stay with me.) Now what are they discussing? Rather than shouting, "[Relevant Main Character] (Henry) is dead now and we're going after his children!" they might be saying:
Casten: "How are you alive? How did you get here? Why are you here? What's your interest in this can of tuna?"
And the other party, not wanting to divulge their evil schemes (watch The Incredibles and see how they toyed with that trope), might respond
Syndon: "You thought me dead! Ha! What fools! We are not slavering beasts driven by instinct! We got here by our own cunning, and we are TAKING this can of tuna!"
Casten: You don't have the power to fight us and cross the barrier with the tuna!
Syndon: The barrier is broken, but it doesn't matter because we have great power! Enough power to defeat you and cross the barrier with ten cans of tuna!
And so on. Just a thought. But I mean, that can tip the other way into getting no information and relying on Henry's evasive monologues. I don't know.
The librarian confused me a little. I totally know people who are completely indifferent to their surroundings, but did she leave the library to see to the Coach/Freddy fight? Would there not have been bookshelves being cloven in half from swordplay and other environmental damage? Is there some kind of time magic, where librarian et al might have been frozen so they didn't actually see anything until afterwards when no one was around to hold the spell? Is there distraction magic? Or is she just that much of an idiot? As long as you know the answer, and maybe it's given a brief blurb at some point, that's fine. Otherwise, it's a little strange to me.
Hooray for competing parties expositing extensive plot-relevant details to each other in public and conveniently in front of the main protagonist!
But seriously. On the one hand, you have that. On the other hand, you have monologue exposition from Poppa Henry. Between the two, you have Ash, who, like the audience, doesn't know anything and is discovering things as they happen. Given how this is YA and not GoT (where the characters are already part of their world and not discovering it forcefully), I can let it slide personally. All the same, having two competing interests yelling things at each other that are conveniently relevant is a little cheesy.
An idea to keep the cheese to a minimum while still keeping any surprises in tact (that Casten didn't know Syndon was still alive, etc.): Remove the protagonist (Ash) from the scene. Actually, remove the parties from that particular scene. Casten and Syndon are in the grocery store and both want the last can of tuna. (Stay with me.) Now what are they discussing? Rather than shouting, "[Relevant Main Character] (Henry) is dead now and we're going after his children!" they might be saying:
Casten: "How are you alive? How did you get here? Why are you here? What's your interest in this can of tuna?"
And the other party, not wanting to divulge their evil schemes (watch The Incredibles and see how they toyed with that trope), might respond
Syndon: "You thought me dead! Ha! What fools! We are not slavering beasts driven by instinct! We got here by our own cunning, and we are TAKING this can of tuna!"
Casten: You don't have the power to fight us and cross the barrier with the tuna!
Syndon: The barrier is broken, but it doesn't matter because we have great power! Enough power to defeat you and cross the barrier with ten cans of tuna!
And so on. Just a thought. But I mean, that can tip the other way into getting no information and relying on Henry's evasive monologues. I don't know.
The librarian confused me a little. I totally know people who are completely indifferent to their surroundings, but did she leave the library to see to the Coach/Freddy fight? Would there not have been bookshelves being cloven in half from swordplay and other environmental damage? Is there some kind of time magic, where librarian et al might have been frozen so they didn't actually see anything until afterwards when no one was around to hold the spell? Is there distraction magic? Or is she just that much of an idiot? As long as you know the answer, and maybe it's given a brief blurb at some point, that's fine. Otherwise, it's a little strange to me.