"He began to throw so many extra things into so many extra boxes that soon, it wasn’t only a few more items her mother was taking—half the house was going with her."
I've packed and moved before. Where in the world does anyone have that many boxes right off the bat? Did someone go to Home Depot? Also, unless they were professional movers in another life, when you have moving + divorce + kids there is no way half a house is getting packed up in a single weekend. Story gotta story and it's super minor, but still, I'm calling BS on that one.
I'm interested in the Emily subplot bit, mostly because I have a similar bullying line in my books. I kind of want to see where it goes, how they parallel :P
The cowl people with the dog are interesting, and I like your use of mirrors and reflections. Now we're getting into the good stuff :D
Observation: Not sure if it's intended, but I'm guessing this is for a 12-15 year old audience? Just judging by characters, plot, and use of language.
"He began to throw so many extra things into so many extra boxes that soon, it wasn’t only a few more items her mother was taking—half the house was going with her."
I've packed and moved before. Where in the world does anyone have that many boxes right off the bat? Did someone go to Home Depot? Also, unless they were professional movers in another life, when you have moving + divorce + kids there is no way half a house is getting packed up in a single weekend. Story gotta story and it's super minor, but still, I'm calling BS on that one.
I'm interested in the Emily subplot bit, mostly because I have a similar bullying line in my books. I kind of want to see where it goes, how they parallel :P
The cowl people with the dog are interesting, and I like your use of mirrors and reflections. Now we're getting into the good stuff :D
Observation: Not sure if it's intended, but I'm guessing this is for a 12-15 year old audience? Just judging by characters, plot, and use of language.