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Sep 21, 2021Liked by Jonathan L. Rutan

Still confused on what Spell is. Is it the name of the Elf town where Spellmaker lives? The name of his tree?

I'm letting a lot slide here because Ash has no clue what's going on, but for anyone to stand around and explain it would take away from the action, I think. As long as you know and the characters know, we'll resolve any issues later.

"I can lead us…just need to find a weapon."

I feel like he should have already had a weapon of some form, seeing how he was with Eugin's original party. Wasn't he?

"Littles of your age should be in Class, where is the Teacher?"

Battle. Friggin. Battle. What the fridge? I never read Harry Potter, but I feel like they didn't casually hold class in the basement while Voldemort was attacking and hope that some experienced fighters took care of things. Especially if he's old enough to handle a sword. So either this battle is big enough to warrant a large response, or its small enough that basic precautions should be in effect.

Hobbits have joined the Fellowship.

"As soon as the SpellMaker began to speak, gone were the headshakes and the nips at the air."

I am confused. Wtf are you talking about?

"But, when Ash saw him, only a foot or so away, on the ground with an arrow jammed into his eye, she couldn’t believe it. She had thought everything was going their way, but Sillan was dead."

I laughed at this. I'm not going to lie, I thought this was friggin hilarious.

So...why did he fling the Elves away? Why not tell them to wait X number of minutes? Or stay outside because they were needed there more? Or literally anything else? It's not like he's incapable of lying or withholding the full truth.

"It didn’t take long for Ash to realize where, exactly, her parents were."

Stylistically, this sentence is super out of place with the rest of the description.

"With numbers that had to have been near a hundred"

Overwhelm a small jail guard force? Okay, cool.

Surprising the citizens of Athren and getting the jump on them in terrorist manner? Sure.

Wreaking havoc and killing younglings and causing extended chaos, considering they are supposed to be equal to or lesser than in magic overall than the Elves, and Athren itself is supposed to be this huge, amazing Elf city (and the queen herself only departed with a small entourage because she wanted the bulk of the guards to stay behind)? I call bull.

Is the pale man actually a man, or like a shiny Reflection like how you describe Poppa Henry when he takes shape?

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